INSPIRATIONAL MOMENT WITH MS. DALLAS JACKSON

Hey Guys!

I don’t think ya’ll understand how much I miss you. I think about ya’ll everyday. My heart hurts because I don’t have the time to communicate due to my schedule being so hectic. I don’t have the time to tell you my story, but just know that it has lead me to a full-time job, going to school full time, and a part time gig. I only have one day off a week, and that is used for rest, school projects, cooking for the week, family, etc... So basically you can go ahead and say that I don’t have any days off. Either way, I am on a quest to change my life and be in a better financial position - - with the help of God of course!

Either way - I wanted to hit ya’ll up with a few things I’ve been wanting to write about, but just didn’t have the time.

1. We as women have a very soft spot for men - especially when we’ve connected ourselves to them, albeit physically or emotionally. It’s seems as though we can manage a household, raise children, and maintain friendships without a problem, but we can’t make a logically solid decision when it comes the man in our life. I have observed, as I have been spending more time in the classroom, that when it comes to children, female teachers can lay down the law and stick to it. Teachers have had to learn how to do it because children smell blood and will run all over you if you let them (much like men). Also, teachers care about children and understand that the decisions made are for children’s best. So my suggestion is - start treating the men in your life like teachers treat their students. When your man messes up - let him know and stick to your guns, no matter how upset he is. The decision made is for the health of you, your self-esteem, and the relationship. Correcting him will be well worth it, and when he sees you respecting yourself, he will do the same.
2. Why is Erica, of Love & Hip Hop Atlanta, mad at Buckeye and not Scrappy? Was she watching the same show I was watching? Because I clearly remember Scrappy leading Buckeye to believe that him and Erica were not together, and lying to Erica as well. She is too beautiful to be that dumb-eve (dumb and naive put together). Scrappy is still immature and doesn’t know what he wants out of life. I blame that on his mother and Erica, because they have set up the environment for to stay the way that he is. I can go on and on about this, but the moral of the story is - Erica and Scrappy will NOT last. They’ve both got a lot of growing up to do. I pray that they start the process soon because their little girl is growing fast. Scrappy’s mom needs to be checked into a mental hospital, because I know whatever ‘Keisha’ she’s smoking on is probably a bad batch, lol! And as for Buckeye, I pray that she heals from this situation and that she matures herself, as well. The last thing she needs to do is walk back into the same situation.
3. Last, but not least, Beyonce has sold you up the river. What river is that? The one that says you can parade around half-dressed, hyper-sexual, and a stuck-up/bougie/ratchet attitude AND end up marrying a rich man and live happily ever after. What has made her sell so easy is that you didn’t even know that’s what she was doing. Her con is so slick because when she’s not on stage she’s very ‘lady-like’ and demure (even though she still wear’s skin tight clothes). But either way, females are mimicking her stage persona to a tee and ending up with high maxed out credit cards and a baby-daddy or two. Ladies! Wake-up! You remember that song she did with Destiny’s Child, Nasty Girl? She, is like, the epitome of that song. Every time I see her on stage it looks like she has on just a shirt and heels. Then Jay-Z is always running around tapping her on her behind. I don’t care if he’s her husband or not, no man - and I repeat - NO MAN is going to that to me in public. That’s disrespectful!!! No wonder why so many young ladies allow men to disrespect them and they think it’s cute - worse off they think it’s normal, or supposed to be that way. No!

------->>>>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMUUysmfYUw <<<<<---------

But anyway - - > I’m going to bed because I had 1 major project to turn in the week before last, 2 major projects last week, and I have 3 this week. Needless to say, I think my computer is sick and tired of me looking at it and tapping on the keyboard.

Toodles!!!!

INSPIRATIONAL MOMENT WITH MS DALLAS JACKSON

This Mimi Chick, ugh!


I’m going to leave Sex and the City alone for a minute and talk about something that’s been really grinding my gears these past few days, Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. This show has been my favorite train wreck as of late. Why? Because it has everything that we love to watch: women with the latest fly styles, drama, cheating, fighting, screaming, crying, etc... I’m ashamed to admit that I can’t get enough of it at times. But as I sit and watch the show, the level of conflicting emotions hit astonishingly high on my internal Richter Scale. Inside I am dying to tell these females to RUN from their ‘situations’ and never look back. I also want to tell them how stupid they are, and how much they deserve the situations they’re in. I know that sounds a bit harsh, but I’ve been working on letting my feelings out instead of keeping them in, so roll with me on this one, lol!


I have my own little personal ‘tifs’ with each of them, but the behind I ride the most is Mimi Faust. If I could have a one on one conversation with her it would go a little like this:
“Mimi! What the H-E-Double are you thinking!?! What makes you think that a man that’s been cheating on you with random chicks, for as long as you can remember, is going to - ALL OF A SUDDEN - up and be faithful!?! You’ve already shown him that you’ll accept him back if he says the right things and makes the right faces. You know his pattern better than he does. Don’t you want better for yourself? For your daughter? You are well off enough to survive without him. You need to go on ahead to court and start DEDUCTIN’ his pay PRONTO!!!!”


Then the Lord has to remind me that I was someone’s Mimi at one time. Just because I had enough strength to walk away doesn’t make me better. A vlogger, I love to watch, made a video that brought this point home very well.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9M5okb9W-A&feature=g-u-u


I was definitely humbled UNTIL I saw this:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Q7qrMoIdso&feature=player_embedded


Then, I had another conversation with Mimi (in my head of course)!


“Mimi! Again! Who do you think you are!?! Do you think you were all big, bad, and cute acting all hard in front of the camera. Do you think those guys are laughing because of what you’re saying about Stevie? No! They’re laughing because you’re talking all big with your chest out and you might be back with Stevie’s behind TOMORROW! Who do you think you’re fooling Huney Buns!?! Surely not ME! Most definitely YOURSELF, though!”


“Woooooossssssaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwww!”


Then I’d start talking to myself, and anyone that would listen, just like our Mommas and Daddy’s when they’re really mad and want to keep fussing!


“I don’t understand how such a BEAUTIFUL woman like you, that has everything going for herself, would just sit there and let somebody run ALL over you!?! Do you know how many women die of diseases they get from philandering men they ‘love’ so much. These men won’t even go visit them in the hospital, much less go to their funerals. And you are living with the man KNOWING that he was JUST with the other woman YESTERDAY! REALLY! Then, you put all this MESS on tv and expect nobody to say nothing? Where were those balls you grew FIFTEEN YEARS AGO!!!!!!!”


(More mumbling under my breath because I have to cool down.)


At the end of the day, God had to humble me. But he also showed me that those who have made it out into better situations need to show the others the ‘light’. We must be humble, because we can’t just sit there and act like our stuff don’t stink. We must be able to relate and show genuine empathy. We won’t be able to truly touch someone if we can’t do that.


My diagnosis on Mimi, as well as many others on the show, is that SHE. MUST. HEAL. She will not heal unless she removes herself as far away from STEVIE as she can. This is coming from someone who has done just that. Thank God it didn’t take me 15 years, but trust, it took long enough. Once you get to a place where you can think clearly, you can then start the healing process. It is a HARD process. It will NOT be easy. I believe that she is angry right now, and it will only get worse until it gets better.


When we as women hard wire ourselves to a man, the connection can stay even though we’re not plugged in any more. That’s why we must be careful ladies. And this is not just about sex. People can use others for mental, spiritual, and financial reasons. We can make detrimental choices if we put our guards down too soon.


Unfortunately, Mimi has a child with Stevie, so there is only so far she can go. But understand, that there’s always a price to pay when we make bad decisions.


I will definitely be doing some more Love and Hip Hop Blogs in the future!


Come visit me at twitter.com/fabulusmsdallas


Toodles!!!!

INSPIRATIONAL MOMENT WITH MS DALLAS JACKSON

Girlfriends... Part 2

(Sex and the City Series)

Speaking of the truth...


3)Our brains are not built for truth - they’re built for survival


(That’s pretty deep - I know. I’m not going to take the credit for it. This quote was made by a fitness author at a conference I watched on YouTube. Please forgive me for not knowing his name.)


How often have you been in a group of people and one of them starts going off about something dumb? And how many of those times has people in the group gone right along with the foolishness. No one is concerned about setting the record straight, they’re only concerned about going along with the crowd.


That’s why this statement hit me like a ton of bricks. It made me realize why I could kill a party in 2 seconds flat. I’m waaaaayyyyy too honest at the worst times. I tell the truth with no chaser. Ever since I was a little girl, I said exactly how I felt about any situation no matter who was around. I didn’t know how to grin and bare while holding in what I really wanted to say. Hence me committing social suicide.


We as females in this society have been bred to ‘go with the flow’. Just think about it. Think about the female high school cliques. In order to survive within the clique, one must not make waves or appear different than all the others. So if there is one female who ‘makes waves’ because she is a virgin when the group is known for being loose - guess who’s getting kicked out.


We were definitely not going to find a chaste female in the Sex and the City crew. But there was that time when Carrie walked in on Samantha giving ‘services’ to a delivery guy in her office (S4/E5). Samantha felt ‘judged’ when Carrie made a funny comment about it. She didn’t speak to Carrie for days. Judging from Samantha’s reaction, you know Carrie most likely didn’t call her out on her promiscuous behavior often. (This, ironically, ties into #2 about not being able to rise above the group mentality. If they don’t call you out - you can’t change.)


And last, but not least - - - > The Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing


4)The ‘not-so-real’ friend.


As you guys know, I am a Sci-fi junky, and I recently went to see the Total Recall remake. I loved all the graphics and they restructured the movie. I especially loved the main character’s ‘friend’, Harry, who was put in place to keep his mind from believing anything other than what he was supposed to believe. Harry was real slick with it too. If Quaid, the main character, ever inquired about wanting a better life, Harry would say something like, “Everyone wants to do something different, but we have to pay our bills.” “You are lucky because you have a beautiful woman, why don’t you go home and make love to her.” Harry always had something to keep Quaid’s mind from going hirer.


Believe it or not, we all have or had, a ‘friend’ in our life like this. Whenever we want to think about doing something great with our lives, the ‘friend’ is always there making comments that quietly undermine what you say. They always find the most eloquent way to say, ‘you can’t do it’. Sometimes these people can even be family members. They plant negative thoughts in your head because they are unhappy.


It reminds me of the joke Katt Williams says about the people who look like they’re about to catch a stomach virus when they look at you.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qB5K8dEsNF8


These are the ones you have to learn to love from a distance and take everything they say with a grain of salt. Surrounding ourselves with people who truly care about you is similar to training your mind how to think - positive thoughts only!


We have got to do our best to seek out the negativities within our circles and get rid of them. Yes, we do need someone to tell us we look fat and that dress. Yes, we do need someone to tell us that we need to leave that man - FOR GOOD! Yes, we do need the one that’s going to tell us that our stuff stinks. Yes, we do need the one that’s going to tell us that we are dead wrong for whatever! The GREAT friends are the ones that know how to tell us, and make sure we know that they still love us even if we’re mad at them for doing so.


I don’t know about you, but that’s the type of friend I need.


Ya’ll have a wonderful week, and come check me out at twitter.com/fabulusmsdallas


Toodles!!!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVJBhDoGapM

INSPIRATION MOMENT WITH MS. DALLAS JACKSON



Girlfriends...

(Sex and the City Series)

Girlfriends - can’t live with them; can’t live with out them. Well, in my case, I actually lived with some of mine, (I have 3 sisters aka built-in girlfriends). At times they can be a sound board when you need to vent, and a wave maker when all you’re desperate for is calm waters. They can be the ones that have your back, or the ones you need protection from. They can be your confidence when you have none, and also help you throw a pity party. They play the role of mother, counselor, aggravator, nurturer, tear wiper, helper, etc... No wonder why we put so much weight on the words they say. Probably even more weight on the looks that shoot from their eyes, and the disapproving sounds that come from closed lips. Either way, there’s no way for us to survive without this precious network of feminine support.
I just have a few bones to pick:
1) Sometimes our friends can be so compassionate about our situation that they end up doing more harm than good.
There once was a time when I would constantly complain and sulk about my weight. My audience was usually my oldest sister, Donna, or one of my friends. I sounded like a sad broken record. I know there were a few times they wanted to ball their fist up and sock me in the face because I wouldn’t shut up. But they would do what every good friend worth their salt would do - tell me I was smart and beautiful no matter what size.
I can’t tell you where I would be without their encouraging words throughout the years. I heard every cliche known to man come out of their mouth. I would hear things like: “There are men out there that like big girls”, “You’re a heavy duty cutey”, “You’re just tall”, or “Love yourself”. The minute I felt down, or screwed up on a diet, I would go over those conversations in my head.
Eventually I got to a point where I was fed up with my situation and those conversations no longer did the trick. I remember being really frustrated and I decided to be brutally honest with my friend Charles (honorary ‘guy’friend). I said, “I’m starting to feel like people are telling me things to pacify me in the situation I’m in now.” Meaning: people are telling me things that keep me ‘ok’ with being where I am.
By no means am I saying they were doing this on purpose, it’s quite the opposite, they were saying those things because they felt I needed it. But, I came to realize that those words became a crutch. I eventually had to face the truth and realize that my health is the real issue. Ironically, getting a man and being accepted in society are merely side issues.
Either way, my true friends support me on the journey I choose, whether it’s a journey to health, or a journey to love me - just how I am. On my path to finding my truth, I realized that I do not have to accept my fat to prove that I love myself (this is an entire blog in itself). I would not have gotten to this place if I was still leaning on my “support crutches”.
2) Most of the time, we can’t rise above the mentality of our girlfriend group.
The ‘Girlfriend Group Conversation’ is the backbone to Sex and the City. Each member has a distinct personality we can all relate to. Samantha is the go-getter that sleeps around, like a man, with no remorse. Miranda is the smart one who doesn’t ‘need’ a man. Charlotte is the good girl who fantasizes about getting married. Then Carrie is the free spirit who’s always lost in her thoughts while trying to figure life out. These girls lead distinctive lives but clearly lean on each other for emotional support.
The other day I was watching the beginning of season three. Big had left Carrie again at the end of the previous series, so she was in the midst of healing. The whole crew was on their way to a Fireman’s Calendar Contest. By the time things were over, Samantha had found herself a fireman to go home with, Miranda was to herself, Carrie was trying to shake off a new suitor, and Charlotte had gotten herself super drunk. While on the ferry back, an extremely wired up Charlotte went into a drunk stupor and asked Carrie why she wasn’t married. Carrie, being the great friend she is, gave her the old ‘you are smart and beautiful’ talk and rolled her eyes at Miranda for abandoning her in the situation.
These scenes give you a great picture of the mentality of the group. These women are independent go-getters that are trying to live life to the fullest. But they have one flaw - promiscuity.  They all know that Samantha is going to screw anything she thinks is going to give her a good time. They rarely confront her about it unless she’s talking too loud (in which she does the next morning during breakfast with them in a busy diner). Miranda is too busy trying to get ahead at the firm and fighting for women’s equality that she can’t see she has a good man that wants to love her. And, Carrie is still so hurt by Mr. Big that she can’t give a half descent guy a chance. Let’s not talk about Charlotte. She’s so confused, she doesn’t realize that it’s her promiscuity that keeps her from finding someone descent.
I love all these characters to pieces, but they can’t get out of their own way because it’s the blind leading the blind. You can’t tell you’re friend that she’s heading down the path to destruction if you’re walking along side her, especially if you both think you're on the right one. You definitely can’t tell her how to get off the path either. So basically, the advice that they give each other keeps them in their normal self-destructive patterns.
But they look great doing it, right? lol!
Stay tuned next week for Part 2 of Girlfriends...
And come check me out at twitter.com/fabulusmsdallas
Toodles!!!

#20FactsAboutMe

There was a trending topic on twitter today called #20FactsAboutMe, and I decided to indulge myself. Afterwards, I realized how insightful, and helpful, it was with my journey to learning more about myself. Check it out!

#1. I simply cannot stand stuck up people.
I have some old classmates on Facebook that won’t accept my friend request because they think I’m not good enough to ‘know’. At first my feelings were hurt, but then I realized that they are the ones missing out on a really cool person just because I don’t meet a set of shallow standards. On my current journey of self acceptance and love, I became strong enough to say ‘screw them’ and quickly moved on with my life. How liberating!
#2. I am a single African-American female adult with no husband or children and a college education.
It’s so crazy how our minds can play tricks on us (also the media). For the longest time I would think about this ‘fact’ and feel ashamed because I don’t have a husband or child to speak of and I’m not getting younger. But this weekend I got a pleasant surprise when my mother used me as an example for my oldest niece. She and my mother were watching my youngest nephew this weekend and my mother said, ‘You see how much work having a baby is’. She continued, ‘You need to be like your Aunt Dallas and go to school, get a job, enjoy yourself with your friends and live your life.’ I was flattered when she told me but old man doubt tried to sneak back in. But I was quickly reminded of what a blessed single person I am once I held my nephew and couldn’t get him to stop crying until I walked every square inch of my parents house. ENJOY your life before you have more responsibilities!
#3. I love God - my relationship with Him is constantly on my mind.
There’s not much to explain here. It says it all. I’m constantly talking to God ALL DAY LONG. I love how our relationship grows every moment. I am FAAARRRRRRRR from perfect, but I try my best to heed His instructions. I am God’s and His alone.
#4. I love all kinds of men, it doesn't matter the nationality, they just have to be taller than me.
I am more concerned about a man’s character than his nationality. His character will determine how he handles everything in his life. That’s why I don’t jump for men with money. A man can have ALL the money in the world, but if he doesn’t know how to save or invest, he won’t have any at all.
#5. I am 5' 10'' and 3/4
No matter what, I will always be a big girl! lol!
#6. I love pets, I've just been too busy to have one
I’m afraid I will come home one day and my pet would be dead because I forgot to feed them during my busy schedule. Thank goodness I don’t have any kids, lol!
#7. I LOVE to sing! It's like breathing to me.
During college I had a severe acid reflux incident after eating late night pizza. I couldn’t sing for a few days after that. That was the longest days of my life!
#8. I'm allergic to shellfish.
This is a sad fact because my mother’s side of the family is creole. Most major holidays are marked with a crawfish boil. I can’t stand staring at people while they happily stuff their faces.
#9. I love guys who are nerds with a bit of swag. Guys that like math or science is AWESOME!
Confident Nerds Rule!
#10. I love movies - period!
Every Friday morning, before 12, you can find me at the movies catching the new releases. I love this time because it’s cheap and there’s not many people in there, so I can enjoy the movie in peace. Ironically, I’m usually the loudest one laughing.
#11. I love to cook!
I’ve been cooking ever since I could reach the stove. I may not have a lot memorized, but if you give me a recipe I can make it my own.
#12. I LOVE chocolate! It is the elixir of life.
If someone filled a pool full of chocolate, I would dive into it and not come out until I’ve sucked it dry. You’d probably need to call an ambulance because I’d definitely be in a diabetic coma.
#13. I love dark skin. It is absolutely beautiful.
Dark skin is SO beautiful. You can see the sun shine through it even in a dim lit room. And it’s deep smooth consistency reminds of - you guested it - CHOCOLATE!
#14. I am celibate - and loving it!
You’d be surprised how free you feel when you don’t have the weight of a soul-tie or bad decisions holding you down. You are free to be yourself and conquer the world. You should try it.
#15. I am writing a book and going to school to become a teacher.
I left a job I truly hated last year and embarked on a journey of changing my life into what I want it to be. I love relating to our youth and expanding their horizons. I also love to write. This journey is challenging, but I know the fruits of my labor will be worth it.
#16. I graduated from High School at 17 and from College at 20.
Even though that was a great feat I wouldn’t recommend anyone do it. I was stressed out from constantly working and school. I didn’t get to get out as much. I also committed to a degree that I am not using due to stress. If it takes you 5 -6 years to determine what you REALLY want to do - DO IT!
#17. Loyalty is a big thing to me.
If you are not loyal and you don’t stand by your word - KEEP MOVING! No Pass Go! Go straight to jail. If you can’t be true to anything - what is the point.
#18. I can't stand habitual liars. Liars period, really!!!
See #17
#19. I hate bugs!
I am by ALL MEANS a girly girl (except for movies). I don’t like to be outside for long. Back then I would’ve been a ‘House Negro’ because me and outdoors don’t mix. Not just because I don’t like the sun, or to sweat, but because I can’t stand bugs. I don’t like the way they look, bite, or sound. Everything about them turns me off. Ugh!
#20. Being a black girl with curls and freckles is a rare-ity that I LOVE! Freckles are beautiful - and I am TOO!

Why don’t you go ahead and post #20FactsAbout yourself. Hit me up at @fabulusmsdallas !!! You’d be surprised what you learn about yourself...
Look for my book, Until You Love You, No One Else Will, coming soon

Just Keep Swimming!

Have you ever seen the movie Finding Nemo? As an adult, I am ashamed to admit that I’ve seen this movie 1 trillion ka-billion times. I don’t know what it is? Maybe the awesome way the animators brought the ocean and it’s inhabitants to life? How about the roller coaster of the emotions that take you from being overwhelmed with suspense to rushes of uncontrollable laughter filled with tears? Or what about the sappy tale of the family who lost the mother, and the father is desperately looking for the son he’s been feverishly over-protecting after he finally allowed his son to venture out into the world? I know what it is! It’s the blue fish, named Dory, played by Ellen Degeneres. that’s schizophrenic and has short term memory loss. Schizophrenia, Ellen, and memory loss make for a HILARIOUS combination!


So, why am I talking about a fish in a 10 year old children’s movie with a bunch of adults? Well, because like all great children movies, it has a great lesson in it for all of us. Actually, it has a few. My absolute favorite lesson comes from the scene when Marlin, Nemo’s father, had just lost the one thing that could help locate him. He was completely dismayed when, all of a sudden, Dory breaks out into one of her impromptu songs. She sings “just keep swimming” over and over again. For years and years I would reference this movie whenever I needed a good laugh. But, just the other day, I started singing that song to myself when I felt my world start to cave in.


Here’s a little about me that you might not know: Dallas is a fighter. No not the physical fighter like the girls in Basketball Wives. I’m talking about the ‘when the going gets tough, the tough gets going’ type of fighter. A few years back I decided to record a song and the producer I found to record me was a bit pricey for my budget at the time. I love to sing and it had always been a child hood dream of mine to become a recording artist. I was going to go for it. Low and behold, whenever you’re on a path towards a dream/ goal, the Devil always wants to side track you. Out of no where I started receiving doctor bills from an injury that was supposed to be taken care of by the insurance company. I was put in a bad spot because I wasn’t made aware until the bills were 90 days past due. Not only that, my brand new car had been damaged in a store parking lot, so I had to take care of that too. I didn’t allow that to deter me. Even though I had leg pain from the previous injury, I decided to pick up a waitressing job so that I could pay for everything.


The first couple of weeks were brutal. I went from working 40 hours per week at my regular job to working an additional 30+ to cover things. Looking back, I had never worked so much and at the same time been so broke. The minute I got money it was going into someone else’s pocket. I also had a few bad nights with customers not leaving tips for reasons I had no control over. I was expecting to walk out with so much money and would walk out with scraps. Sometimes I had to walk into the back of the kitchen and cry to get through the shift. But guess what? By the grace of God I just kept swimming. I would keep my head up like nobody’s business. When God saw my faith, and the fact that I was going to keep going come what may, He began to open up the flood gates. There were days when I would have to work the ‘To Go’ station on a Sunday morning. Everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY, knew that the ‘To Go’ station was a guaranteed walk out of $10 on a stellar day. I would say to myself that God was going to provide and wait at my station for hours without an order. Then the phone would ring and the person on the other end would be ordering for a large party and leave me a tip for well over $100 dollars. All the servers couldn’t stand me because I walked out with more than them.


My poor car. I didn’t have enough to cover my deductible so I decided to drive with my car damaged until I could pay for it. If you knew me, and how much I love my car, you’d understand how large of a sacrifice that was. I would have fixed it myself if I knew how to get that dent out. Thankfully a gentleman, at one of the shops I worked with, buffed out the scratches so I didn’t have to ride around looking too bad. After a couple of months, once things were paid off, I was able to take care of the damages. But not without God showing me how good and sovereign He is. I ended up getting an ear infection during the holiday season. Anyone who knows the restaurant industry knows that the holiday season is prime time to make the most money. I was counting on that money to pay for my car and presents. Unfortunately, the ear infection won out and I had to take off from both jobs for roughly 2 weeks. It took so long because I had worked so much that my immune system shut down. My saving grace was unexpected money that came in right on time that allowed for me to not work for 2 weeks. I was able to pay for everything, including my car, and then some. Thank God for provision!


The Devil knows that there’s a record that plays in our head all the time. Whatever that record is saying is what steers our thoughts in the direction our situations will tend to go in. He will constantly bombarded us with things that try to deter us off our paths. We get hit with setbacks and trials left and right. There are times when we are waiting for a bad situation to turn around and it seems like the sun is taking forever to rise. We get so bogged down that keeping the faith is last on the list. In these times of struggle we must keep ourselves strong so that we may persevere through whatever tries to knock us down. If the thoughts playing in your mind or negative, the Devil has already won the battle.


All you have to do is think to yourself ‘Just keep swimming’.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxB_TemN1pc


Come follow me on Twitter @fabulusmsdallas... Toodles!!!!


Written by: Dallas Jackson
Author of: Until You Love You, No One Else Will - - coming in September 2012


Happy Birthday to my sister Marshae!!!!





INSPIRATIONAL VIDEO OF THE DAY

Independent Women? Yes? No? Maybe? cont’d


So where does this leave us?


It leaves us where many women have been for ages - learning the difference between a boy and a man - the bad and the good - a loser and a winner.


For the longest, men have perfected the art of seducing women into doing what they want them to do. We’re no longer in the stone ages where you could just hit a woman on the head and drag her back into the cave. Times have changed and so has the game - women have changed and so have the men - the men have changed and so have the women. It’s a vicious cycle.


With the dawn of women doing more for themselves they are subsequently wanting more for themselves. It benefits a man to play the role of loving a woman in return for what he wants most, sex. The story line takes more twists and turns, but you can go back to last week for an explanation, referring to how many women change. Basically, we end up with women now making themselves out to LOOK as though they are what a man needs (education, stable, etc.) but in actuality they are shells of their former selves filled with bitterness.


My best advice to men out there is what I tell my girlfriends, there needs to be proof in the pudding. Show me the money. When we women wise up and realize that actions speak louder than words, actions are what we start to pay attention to. Is he really a man of his word in ALL areas of his life? Does he call when he says he’s going to call? Does he pay his bills on time? Does he have good credit? Is he a man of God and act accordingly?


So men, when you come across a young lady and you see that she has her hair done, nails done, and everything did, start paying close attention as you date her. Are her lights on? Is her gas tank always on E? Is she humble or messy? Does she go to church? Does she also WALK in the Word? How does she dress? What are her values? That is when you can tell if a woman is “Independent” or what I like to call “Self-Sufficient”


On the surface an independent and self-sufficient woman may look similar, but once you do enough digging, the self-sufficient woman is a lot like the Proverbs 31 woman.


10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.


She takes care of herself. She dresses well. She makes and uses money properly. She hangs out with her friends but keeps her priorities. She respect herself AND her others. And most of all, she has healed from her past and learned from it at the same time. This means that she has built a prosperous world around herself that she can easily maintain once the RIGHT man comes along. Her world is there to protect her from the wrong men only. So she doesn’t NEED a man, she WANTS a man to support and to be supported by.


An independent woman is usually the woman who has let her emotional scars take control of her and she has shutdown. Many times she will build her world up financially so that there would be no ‘need’ for a man ever. Or maybe even have children, or use the ones she’s already got, for child support purposes. Hence the “I don’t need a man unless he’s paying my bills” mentality. The tell tale signs are usually under the surface as well as a host of insecurities. The big attitude is usually a front.


So men, the surface should not be the end all - be all. The surface should be a fraction of the beginning. Many females/ independent women can look and seem like she has everything going, but she cannot maintain the facade. Only the self-sufficient/ Proverbs 31 women can captivate and sustain you for life.



Come follow me on Twitter @fabulusmsdallas... Toodles!!!!


Written by: Dallas Jackson
Author of: Until You Love You, No One Else Will - - coming in September 2012

Here’s an exert from my upcoming book, Until You Love You, No One Else Will:

We have all seen this WAY too many times. You and your girlfriends are on a high. You ladies have your stuff to together, your self-esteem is soaring, you’ve made a pact to be celibate, you have been traveling and moving about in life. Then all of a sudden Ole Boy Slick come out of nowhere like a Navy Seal on a covert mission of taking one of your girls down. You try to warn her but you can tell that she is slowly slipping away! He starts to weave his web of wining and dining. Movies on cold nights with popcorn and Moscato Wine! Small little gifts here and there. He does it all! For a minute her will was strong but it has now crumbled like the walls of Jericho. She allows him to scale the walls and at first all is well. Little does she know the Trojan Horse that sits inside her gates is about to wage a war from the depths of Hell. Yet, she is on clouds 9, 10 and 11! The only thing you can do is sit and watch because all the pleading you’re doing is making you look more and more like the enemy. So, you sit back and watch this once beautiful flower take on weeds that slowly suck the life out of her. Your friend is now unrecognizable.


She has turned into a fiend. She’s always looking for that next hit while forsaking the promises she once had for the emptiness of a thief who has now come and gone. To her he may look as though he is still there but deep down she knows it’s a facade. They are both now empty shells. His outside resemblance maintains the guy that’s her ‘man’ but on the inside he is none existent. She holds up as the girl that’s got a man at home but at home she is alone with a stranger. She continues to pour everything into him hoping for reciprocity. She stands empty handed and depleted. A parched soul waiting for those moments when he shows just enough interest for her to open those gates again. He caudles her hopes that what she got can bring the relationship back to life. Only to leave her feeling even more empty once he turns cold again.
This, my friends, is one of the many processes of dickmatization, and this is what a dickmatized woman looks like. Don’t be fooled by those who have a cute shape, great clothes, a ‘husband’, money, purses, jewels, and cars. These are the many things used to disguise the gaping hole in their soul. She hides the fact that she has low self-esteem. She feels like she isn’t worthy of a wonderful relationship. The attention, or ‘hate’, she gets from other females for her ‘status’ is a band-aide as well.

They may turn their noses up at you citing the fact they have a man but, boy oh boy, are they lonely. Some women can’t handle being alone so they put up with whatever. Some stay because they can’t afford to live on their own. Some stay for the sake of the children. Some stay because of all the time they’ve invested. This is why we feel like we’ve run over after we come to the realization the man played his role well and walked away with the prize. How stupid we feel when we think of all the time that we let slip away, all the friends we forsook, all the ways we degraded ourselves, and how could we not love ourselves enough.


Come follow me on Twitter @fabulusmsdallas... Toodles!!!!



INSPIRATIONAL VIDEO OF THE DAY

Inspirational Tuesdays with The Fabulous Ms. Dallas


To Love. or to Love!

What is love? It is a word that is tossed around constantly and rolls of the tongue with ease, like a Spanish woman’s r’s. It’s a word that’s in serious demand with a seemingly huge supply but the need is somehow not being met.

If you took a survey of one hundred people and asked them what love was you would get a million different answers. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary describes love as: a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties; attraction based on sexual desire, affection and tenderness felt by lovers; affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests; an assurance of affection. The Urban Dictionary describes love as: the most spectacular, indescribable, deep euphoric feeling for someone. These are only a few of many definitions from just two different sources.

So why don’t we look at some examples of love to see if we can get a clearer picture. In order to locate a great example of love I looked to many different relationships that we see in society. What about Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries? According to Webster they had the strong affections for one another and attraction based on sexual desire. Oh, never mind, I forgot... Their divorce settlement issues are lasting way longer than the actual marriage. But for a minute there it looked like they were totally in love. Ok, well let’s move on... What about those sappy chic-flick movies when the nonchalant girl who’s awkwardly hot has no intentions of falling for the super sexy Blondie haired guy, and everything she does to repel him makes him fall madly in love with her. She then realizes that she can’t live without him after he decides to give up trying to win her heart and when she finds him she gives a really long speech about how she wasn’t looking for love but she somehow fell head over heels for him and now she wants to spend the rest of their lives together. And they live happily ever after! What? No? That’s not it either? But that kind of sounds like Urban’s definition though.

Actually, this is the reason why the divorce rate is so high. We can’t meet the demand, because we don’t even know how to supply it. When I look at the definitions the Webster and Urban dictionaries gave me I realize the small era that throws the entire operation off. They are using the word as if it is a noun. A noun is a word used to name a person, animal, place, thing, or abstract idea - it only describes an abstract idea, there’s no action required. Also, everything love is being described as has been reduced down to nothing but a feeling and feelings come and go no matter how strong they are. Love is a verb. A verb describes an action. And love requires action to make it valid. The reason why love is thrown around so much and cannot quench our thirst is because there is no action behind it. When you love something or someone you don’t just say it every once in a while, but you show it.

Here’s an exert from my upcoming book, Until You Love You, No One Else Will:.... Well, what is love? The dictionary, and the world, would have you think that love is an intense feeling of deep affection. Some equate that to dancing around singing some deep songs in church and then return to the normal way of life once the doors are open. No my friends. Love is an action. Love is a choice. God says in John 14:15 - if you love me, keep my commandments. It is evident that the word ‘keep’ entails action. So what is God saying. He’s saying, if you love me, then show me. Be obedient to God’s word. And, how do I do that, you ask. By showing love
to your neighbor, not stealing or killing, honoring your parents, abstaining from fornication and so on and so forth. Believe it or not, God put His money where His mouth was when He sent His Son to die for our sins. He shows us how much He loves everyday when He wakes us up. He shows us love every time He bestows His grace upon us when we fall and sin....

The Bible uses the word as if it is a verb and I love (no pun intended) Corinthians’ description of love because it encompasses so much of it’s true characteristics. I Corinthians 13: 4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails... This sounds nothing like Webster or Urban Dictionary and I see a whole lot of action in those words.

We don’t get many real love examples when we look to the world, but there are a few great examples that come to mind. The first love I thought of was a Mother’s Love. Some feel you can’t get no better! We recently celebrated Mother’s Day and as I purchased gifts for mine I thought back to all the things that made her love so great. I remember one time my mom was cooking and some hot grease popped in her eye. I saw it happen and I knew it was painful. I saw her beautiful hazel and brown eyes tear up, but she continued to cook because she had a family to feed. I even remember her jumping into a lake to save my sister from drowning. She looked like Super Woman flying through the air. She even managed to save a man having a heart attack too! Now that’s love!

What about in a romantic relationships. Investing time into the relationship and sacrificing some things are ways to actively show love. Love is not just saying ‘I love you!’, it is: not cheating on a spouse because you want to protect them and your marriage mentally, spiritually, and physically; having those hard talks with your spouse when you don’t want to in order to keep the communication lines open; sacrificing time with the guys or girls for date night with each other. Love is manifested even greater when you don’t want to act on it but do any way.

So, remember friends, the moral of the story is that when it comes to love - you have to put your money where your mouth is and follow through with actions that validates your claims!


Come follow me on Twitter @fabulusmsdallas... Toodles!!!!







INSPIRATIONAL VIDEO OF THE DAY

INSPIRATIONAL MOMENT WITH MS DALLAS JACKSON

Hey all! I hope everything is going well. This week as been a lot of changing around so I haven't been able to finish the 'Girlfriends' blog I am working on. And O! it's a good one.  To keep you going until next week I have decided to lace you with a few poems I wrote for a Poetry Workshop I took in school.



Courage
(Ode)


Ode to the brave and to the true in life.


Salut to the wise and the stead-fast hearts.


When the world turns and cuts deep like a knife,


And shoots painful arrows and rocks and darts.


Bravo for calm during rocky hail storms,


Applaud the strength through bad circumstances.


And Cheer for those who rise above it all.


‘Cause negative comes in all shapes and forms,


And continually take advantage.


Always remember, above all stand tall.




Starstruck Love
(Ballad)


O’ sweet surrender of her life,
To hear his voice again.
He plants seeds of love within her,
Yet she will never gain.


His love belongs to someone else,
Whom she could never be.
She finds relief across the way,
While hanging from a tree.



True Love
(English Sonnet)



A broken heart will heal as time unfolds,
But malice will forevermore endure.
Shattered mem’ries the mind forever holds,
Until pure love helps make the soul mature.

Old bad habits will want to reappear,
Alas, stay strong and do not hesitate.
Regrets and mistakes will soon disappear,
Old wounds and old choices will dissipate.

Like bad water that taints the oceans flow.
Others will say, “that’s not the way to be”.
Do not fret, and in your heart you will know
Real love heals, and His true love is fear free.

Above all else, you must protect your heart,
Doing this will ensure true love to start.

I hope you enjoyed my artsy side! Come visit me at Twitter.com/fabulusmsdallas


Toodles!!!

INSPIRATIONAL TUESDAY WITH MS. DALLAS JACKSON

Sex, Love & Hip Hop!

I can’t! I just can’t! I was really going to go with straight Sex and the City for the next few weeks, but then I saw episode 4 of Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. Whhhhhhhyyyyyyyy did I do that. My mind goes on SO many crazy tangents whenever I see these extremely beautiful, yet severely insecure, women go for these tired behind dudes. It makes my skin crawl! But don’t worry, I will definitely be breaking it down and tying these things together.
Clips from the previous show reminding us that Joseline found out that she was pregnant by Stevie J before the episode starts. Stevie J is supposedly in a long term relationship with Mimi, in which they have a daughter, and it is now obvious that he has been cheating on her with Joseline. Of course, Mimi had confronted him about being unfaithful before but he lied. Mimi found out the truth, and about the pregnancy, when Joseline invited her to lunch to let her know.
As Episode 4 is beginning, we see that Ariane has invited K. Michelle over to her place to have girl talk with her and Mimi. Mimi gives K the full rundown of what happened and K sympathized with her because she had been through a similar situation with her child’s father. The show cuts to Ariane on the monologue screen and she states that she had been telling Mimi she deserved better for YEARS. When the show returns back to the conversation, Mimi proceeds to say she’s ‘all about moving forward’ for her and her daughter.
Meanwhile, Stevie is trying to smooth things over with Joseline since he took her to have an abortion. Fortunately for him, it doesn’t take much because she is so insecure she believes every sad line he gives her. All he has to do is throw in a couple ‘I love you’s’ and ‘I got your backs’ and she’s back on the team, or should I say stroll. Side note: I actually really feel bad for Joseline because it is very evident that she had been taken advantage of in her life. Apparently, Stevie found her in a strip club, and I guess she feels like he had rescued her. Either way, her state of mind is easy for any guy to manipulate. But, in this episode we hear her chant a familiar statement, ‘I will never let him do this to me again.’
One of the other ‘couples’ in the show is Scrappy and Erica. I use the term couple loosely because Erica is only a ‘convenient place holder’ for Scrappy. She just doesn’t know it yet. Erica and Scrappy have a daughter from when they were together the first time. During their first run, Scrappy dumped her for Diamond. After Diamond did the same thing to him and left him for Soulja Boy, he ran back to Erica with his tail between his legs. Scrappy now has Erica under the impression that they are working on building a stronger relationship, even though he decided to move out.
In a conversation Erica had with her mother after Scrappy was gone, her mother inquired about how everything was going. You can tell that her mom was skeptical of the relationship and she didn’t want Erica to get hurt again. You can tell that Erica had no clue what’s about to come her way because she was so adamant about her and Scrappy going all the way this time. Meanwhile, Scrappy told his mother that he has yet to tell Erica he didn’t think it was going to work out between them. In true Scrappy fashion he had been kindling a relationship with Buckey (Flavor of Love) unbeknownst to her. Ofcourse, all the while Erica is under the impression that Scrappy is not going to hurt her like he did the last time.
Here’s my Sex and the City tie in - - - > Doesn’t that sound like Carrie and Big? He did that to her for six seasons all the way through to the first movie. Always setting her up for the ‘Big’ fall. < - - ok, that’s it, lol! But this is what all these relationships would like if they make it to 6 seasons, let’s not even talk about a movie.
Ladies! This is what happens when we get ourselves connected to a boy. This is what happens when we get ourselves into adult situations when we ourselves have not fully matured yet. Don’t let the government fool just because they say 18 is an adult. Aaliyah said it best, “Age ain’t nothin’ but a numba!” This is what happens when we are dickmatized and no one knows the REAL meaning of love. Go back and read some of my posts if you forgot.
What is a boy? He is a male that has yet to grow into a MATURE adult man. He lacks many of the qualities expected of man. He cannot keep his word, or his whistle in his pants. He cannot provide for a himself, much less a partner or a family. Many have fragile egos and are very insecure. This may be hard to see because their emotions are held under the surface of false confidence. They prey upon insecure females to feed the need for validation. And they are EXTREMELY selfish.
Stevie J and Scrappy are perfect examples. Stevie has been playing house with Mimi for years and sleeping with Joseline behind her back for 6 months. Not only that, he also has multiple baby mamas. I feel that Stevie J thinks Joseline and Mimi, or women in general, are easy to manipulate. He convinced her to have an abortion out of his own selfishness. He’s concerned about keeping things cool with Mimi and making money. He lacks accountability, responsibility, stability and integrity. He has by no means amassed the qualities needed to create a stable environment that a family unit requires.
Erica has been with Scrappy for the long run, through thick and thin. She has even given him a child. He left her high and dry when he saw something that he wanted. That’s what children do when they see a new toy, the old one gets dropped and left for the dog to chew up. After he got a dose of karma, he ran back to Erica all hurt and she took him back. But this time she was a little stronger and made it clear that she wanted better. Once he saw that she was serious and it wasn’t going to be as easy, he went off to find ‘greener’ pastures. Basically, he didn’t love her enough to own up to what he did and put REAL WORK into the relationship. That’s not what’s up.
We have many grown boys walking around looking like men and they’ve learned a few tricks to keep us thinking they are. Some females think that if a man has money then he has everything needed to be her husband and the father of her children. That couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s really easy for us females, who haven’t fully matured, to mistake them for men by projecting qualities on them that they don’t posses. We, as females, have to start taking responsibilities for our actions. Erica, Mimi, and Joseline, like many of us, have linked themselves to grown boys prematurely and are now suffering the consequences. Now they have to heal from this situation while still being linked with these guys for a lifetime.
Females are always talking about, “I’m moving forward.” Or say things like, “He will never hurt me again.” And when I hear that, my eyes glaze over and I want to implode. Do you know why? Because give it a few days and they will be back with the same dude probably pregnant or ready to get married. I could never understand why they would go back to someone that hurt and betrayed them so easily. Then I realized it was because they have a strong soul-tie with that person, and they never gave themselves a chance to truly heal from the situation. They return back to the same grave to dig an even deeper hole than before.
This boils down to the Soul-ties we create out of immature decisions and the environments they create that have us in self-destructive patterns (i.e. Carrie Bradshaw). We must stop physically, emotionally, and spiritually connecting ourselves to grown kids. We must take the required time out to heal and grow. We don’t need 6 seasons and a movie to learn how to respect and love ourselves.
With Love - Yours Truly,
~~ Ms. Dallas
Come check me out at Twitter.com/fabulusmsdallas
Toodles!










INSPIRATIONAL VIDEO OF THE DAY

INSPIRATIONAL TUESDAY WITH MS DALLAS JACKSON

Sex and the City: Blog #1

In order to kick off my Sex and the City Blog Series I would like to set the record straight from the jump - - - > I absolutely love this series BUT I feel that we as women have been hoodwinked, bamboozled, led astray, and run amok! Why? Because I feel like it made females running around sleeping with - my bad - ‘dating’ a bunch of different guys look like the thing to do. And it also made all the negatives this type of lifestyle brings was the fault of the men and not the women.


I love all these girls but I now realize that they were entirely too sexual. It’s crazy how blind I was before because I didn’t see it. I remember there was a radio dj who said, “Man, this is just a show about females in their late thirties being h@&.” Many females were appalled when he said that, but now that I look back at it - he was right. Why? Because these women had a pattern of one night stands and sleeping with men to quickly. We didn’t see it because we were blinded by the fantasy of fashion and the fast life. Morals? Who said anything about morals? As long as you are fashionable, have great girlfriends, and a well paying job you’re ok. You don’t have to take any responsibility for your actions.


The first 3 minutes of the very first episode sets the tone. Let’s do a quick over view:


It starts off with a lady who had recently moved from London to New York that met one of New York’s most eligible bachelors at an art gallery one night. Carrie goes on to narrate that the two had a wonderful first 2 weeks together filled with dating, dancing, and you guessed it - -> sex. One day they went house hunting and he pops the ‘question’ to her, “Would you like to have dinner with me and my parents?” You could just imagine how happy she was to oblige him. You could also imagine how crushed she was when he called to cancel and then proceeded to never call her again. She attempted to get an answer out of him when she contacted him 2 weeks later, but he said that he was busy and again never returned her call.


Wow. Anyone would be devastated if that were to happen to them. I can remember thinking the guy was a jerk and that the lady had done nothing wrong. But now as an adult, who knows better, I can tell exactly what she did wrong. She had sex with this man WAY too quickly and mistook her feelings, along with his misleading, for something real. And like many naive females do, they can reason away all of their mistakes and make it look like it was entirely the man’s fault. All the while they go straight back into that pattern of sleeping with someone (or even making more of something that’s not there) too soon and hurting ourselves all over again.


This pattern is dangerous and only hurts us. This pattern is replicated over and over again throughout the entire series. Even though there are 4 distinctive characters, their pattern is still the same, it’s just tailored for different personality types.


But hey, it makes for great entertainment. In future blogs we will dig deeper into the series.


Toodles!


Come check me out at www.twitter.com/fabulusmsdallas








INSPIRATIONAL VIDEO OF THE DAY

INSPIRATIONAL TUESDAY

                              INSPIRATIONAL TUESDAY WITH MS DALLAS JACKSON



I would like to apologize to all of you for being absent. Since I moved last month, I‘ve been without internet access and cable going on 12 straight days (and counting). I can only use the internet at my apartment’s business center during business hours - and you know how that can be. But, with that being said, this has made for a great time to watch my Sex and the City DVD collection. And my-o-my, what a journey it has been. It’s so incredibly eye opening to watch the series from the beginning knowing how it ends, movies included. What’s even more eye opening is seeing it from a different perspective now being older and wiser. What does this have to do with the teaser from last week? Nothing and Everything.
Last week I mentioned how the ‘good’ boys and girls can join the winning team. Here is my answer: With the 3 C’s. What are the three C’s? Confidence – Chemistry - Choice
When I was younger, I wrote a song that called “Good Girls”. Would you like to hear it? Well, here it go!

Good girls never win,
We always come in last,
Choose the other girl,
And leave me in the past.

It’s so funny how whenever I hum this song I go straight back to feeling like Taylor Swift in her video for “You Belong with Me”. That is an exact documentary for how I felt in High School. I was always in love with somebody that thought I was a cool chick but not girlfriend material. What a wonderful feeling for a teenager. But I say all that to say this – I know how it feels to feel like you are a wonderful person only to have the object of your desires not feel the same. It is heart wrenching and can lead to low self-esteem, which leads me to the first ‘C’ – Confidence.

Confidence can turn the ugliest duckling into a swaggy-est swan. Case and point: Urkel into Stephon. Urkel was the nerd that ran behind Laura Winslow like a love sick puppy, but Stephon made her melt like chocolate in the sun. Genetically they were the same, but confidence-wise they were polar opposites.

Confidence is described as: the state of feeling certain about the truth of something. So at the risk of sounding like Oprah and Iyanla, what is your truth? I had to realize that my truth was that I really didn’t like myself. Why not? Because I was taught not to like myself by everyone from the magazine covers to the middle school bully. One day I woke up and saw that I was superficial. No, I did not treat people that I thought were below me bad – I actually treated myself bad because I couldn’t live up to the high standards people imposed on me. I felt that I wasn’t good enough and you could see it all over my face. One thing about men is that they are extremely observant, and if they can sense that you’re insecure they will either use it against you or not respect you. Women who are man-eaters do the same thing to guys.

How did I get my confidence up? I began a journey to loving myself. I am still on that journey and loving every minute of it. My journey includes daily affirmations, prayer, good friends, taking more pride in myself, and learning myself. Confidence is addictive, and when you become confident people will be attracted to you.

Side note: Women like to feel that a man can protect her and conquer her (in a good way), and ‘bad boys’ easily ooze this out of their pores. Learn how to reek of confidence and the ladies will come knocking. For the ladies: Men love a woman who is confident. Being confident can take you from a 2 to a 10 in any man’s eyes. Try it!

Chemistry is major. I can’t tell you how much I hear this coming out of a ‘good’ guy’s mouth, “I’m a good guy, so I understand why she doesn’t want me!”  Or what about, “Why do women always go for the ‘bad’ guy?” But you have to realize that just because you are a nice person doesn’t mean that you’re going to have anything in common, or better yet - chemistry. Most of the time women choose the ‘bad’ guy over the ‘good’ guy because the ‘bad’ boy has the first ‘C’, confidence which fosters good chemistry between them. Is this right? No. But is it true? Yes. Will she regret her choice in the future? Most likely.

So how can you increase the odds of having great chemistry with a potential partner? The trick is not changing who you are, but enhancing who you are. You can do this by spicing up your life by adding new experiences to it. I remember when I was ‘nice’ all I did was sit at home doing nothing while I was dreaming about a future with my crush. The bad thing about it was that I was sitting around doing nothing and not having a life. If you are going to have something in common with someone, you need to know what the things are that you like. In order to know what it is that you like, you must be out in the world experiencing and learning things. Also, a person who hasn’t done much can be boring, and boring equals bad. Subsequently, bad equals no chemistry. The experiences that I decided to add to my life are get-togethers at my home, nights out with my girlfriends, traveling, and other little odds and ends that make life exciting. Basically, I expanded the little bubble I was living in.

I will admit, we as females have to understand that confidence plus chemistry don’t equal a good catch. That’s how our hearts got broken most of the time. We failed to realize that there needed to be some inner substance that went with all the attractiveness. Guys have to do it too. Plenty of us ‘good’ girls have been left behind for the video model look-a-like that was ready to sap a man’s bank account dry. And that leads us to the last ‘C’ – Choice.

Unfortunately, you can’t be the ‘good you’ to everybody. Many times we have huge hearts and wear them on our sleeves for all to see. All too often it catches the eye of the wolf in sheep’s clothing. When you are a ‘good’ person, you must guard your heart because there are many people out there who want to take advantage of it.

Why did Carrie choose Mr. Big over Adan? Why did it take so much for Miranda to see that Steve really wanted to get to know her beyond their one-night stand?  Because many times the people that we choose are not able to see our sincerity and aren’t ready for the ‘right’ thing in their lives. With all the things people have been through it’s so easy to have blinders on. Often times the person in front of us looks like the last one that hurt us. Not only that, we also tend to choose the person that we know is not right for us just to run head first into a bad romance. We must learn how to choose people with the right qualities that will truly appreciate our ‘good’ qualities. Giving yourself away to someone who doesn’t even know how to begin and reciprocate the right kind of love to you is draining. You must chose wisely who gets to share the best parts of you. Thank goodness Urkel chose Myra who loved him just for him. She was smart, quirky and they had great chemistry.

What have I done to help my decision making? I made the inner qualities on my “Dream Man Wish List” carry more weight than my superficial qualities. Don’t get me wrong, it’s ok to have a talk, dark, and handsome on the list, but they should pale in comparison to a relationship with God, fidelity, hard-working, and respect. I’d like to describe my Dream Guy as a Nerd with Swag.

So, at the end of the day, just know that you are a great person and you are worthy of a person who will recognize it. But it won’t hurt to shine your package up a little with the 3 C’s!


ANNOUNCEMENT

In September I will start a new blog series in conjunction with vlogging that will include my weekly topics plus Outfit Of the Days, Weight Loss, Beauty and Current Events. Leading up to that time I will do a blog on some of my favorite Sex and the City episodes that will show I felt then and now about the show. October will be the launch of my new website where you can check out all things Ms. Dallas. These events will be leading up to the release of my book, Until You Love You, No One Else Will. I’m looking forward to every moment!

Toodles!

Come check me out at Twitter.com/fabulusmsdallas








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