INSPIRATIONAL TUESDAY

                              INSPIRATIONAL TUESDAY WITH MS DALLAS JACKSON



I would like to apologize to all of you for being absent. Since I moved last month, I‘ve been without internet access and cable going on 12 straight days (and counting). I can only use the internet at my apartment’s business center during business hours - and you know how that can be. But, with that being said, this has made for a great time to watch my Sex and the City DVD collection. And my-o-my, what a journey it has been. It’s so incredibly eye opening to watch the series from the beginning knowing how it ends, movies included. What’s even more eye opening is seeing it from a different perspective now being older and wiser. What does this have to do with the teaser from last week? Nothing and Everything.
Last week I mentioned how the ‘good’ boys and girls can join the winning team. Here is my answer: With the 3 C’s. What are the three C’s? Confidence – Chemistry - Choice
When I was younger, I wrote a song that called “Good Girls”. Would you like to hear it? Well, here it go!

Good girls never win,
We always come in last,
Choose the other girl,
And leave me in the past.

It’s so funny how whenever I hum this song I go straight back to feeling like Taylor Swift in her video for “You Belong with Me”. That is an exact documentary for how I felt in High School. I was always in love with somebody that thought I was a cool chick but not girlfriend material. What a wonderful feeling for a teenager. But I say all that to say this – I know how it feels to feel like you are a wonderful person only to have the object of your desires not feel the same. It is heart wrenching and can lead to low self-esteem, which leads me to the first ‘C’ – Confidence.

Confidence can turn the ugliest duckling into a swaggy-est swan. Case and point: Urkel into Stephon. Urkel was the nerd that ran behind Laura Winslow like a love sick puppy, but Stephon made her melt like chocolate in the sun. Genetically they were the same, but confidence-wise they were polar opposites.

Confidence is described as: the state of feeling certain about the truth of something. So at the risk of sounding like Oprah and Iyanla, what is your truth? I had to realize that my truth was that I really didn’t like myself. Why not? Because I was taught not to like myself by everyone from the magazine covers to the middle school bully. One day I woke up and saw that I was superficial. No, I did not treat people that I thought were below me bad – I actually treated myself bad because I couldn’t live up to the high standards people imposed on me. I felt that I wasn’t good enough and you could see it all over my face. One thing about men is that they are extremely observant, and if they can sense that you’re insecure they will either use it against you or not respect you. Women who are man-eaters do the same thing to guys.

How did I get my confidence up? I began a journey to loving myself. I am still on that journey and loving every minute of it. My journey includes daily affirmations, prayer, good friends, taking more pride in myself, and learning myself. Confidence is addictive, and when you become confident people will be attracted to you.

Side note: Women like to feel that a man can protect her and conquer her (in a good way), and ‘bad boys’ easily ooze this out of their pores. Learn how to reek of confidence and the ladies will come knocking. For the ladies: Men love a woman who is confident. Being confident can take you from a 2 to a 10 in any man’s eyes. Try it!

Chemistry is major. I can’t tell you how much I hear this coming out of a ‘good’ guy’s mouth, “I’m a good guy, so I understand why she doesn’t want me!”  Or what about, “Why do women always go for the ‘bad’ guy?” But you have to realize that just because you are a nice person doesn’t mean that you’re going to have anything in common, or better yet - chemistry. Most of the time women choose the ‘bad’ guy over the ‘good’ guy because the ‘bad’ boy has the first ‘C’, confidence which fosters good chemistry between them. Is this right? No. But is it true? Yes. Will she regret her choice in the future? Most likely.

So how can you increase the odds of having great chemistry with a potential partner? The trick is not changing who you are, but enhancing who you are. You can do this by spicing up your life by adding new experiences to it. I remember when I was ‘nice’ all I did was sit at home doing nothing while I was dreaming about a future with my crush. The bad thing about it was that I was sitting around doing nothing and not having a life. If you are going to have something in common with someone, you need to know what the things are that you like. In order to know what it is that you like, you must be out in the world experiencing and learning things. Also, a person who hasn’t done much can be boring, and boring equals bad. Subsequently, bad equals no chemistry. The experiences that I decided to add to my life are get-togethers at my home, nights out with my girlfriends, traveling, and other little odds and ends that make life exciting. Basically, I expanded the little bubble I was living in.

I will admit, we as females have to understand that confidence plus chemistry don’t equal a good catch. That’s how our hearts got broken most of the time. We failed to realize that there needed to be some inner substance that went with all the attractiveness. Guys have to do it too. Plenty of us ‘good’ girls have been left behind for the video model look-a-like that was ready to sap a man’s bank account dry. And that leads us to the last ‘C’ – Choice.

Unfortunately, you can’t be the ‘good you’ to everybody. Many times we have huge hearts and wear them on our sleeves for all to see. All too often it catches the eye of the wolf in sheep’s clothing. When you are a ‘good’ person, you must guard your heart because there are many people out there who want to take advantage of it.

Why did Carrie choose Mr. Big over Adan? Why did it take so much for Miranda to see that Steve really wanted to get to know her beyond their one-night stand?  Because many times the people that we choose are not able to see our sincerity and aren’t ready for the ‘right’ thing in their lives. With all the things people have been through it’s so easy to have blinders on. Often times the person in front of us looks like the last one that hurt us. Not only that, we also tend to choose the person that we know is not right for us just to run head first into a bad romance. We must learn how to choose people with the right qualities that will truly appreciate our ‘good’ qualities. Giving yourself away to someone who doesn’t even know how to begin and reciprocate the right kind of love to you is draining. You must chose wisely who gets to share the best parts of you. Thank goodness Urkel chose Myra who loved him just for him. She was smart, quirky and they had great chemistry.

What have I done to help my decision making? I made the inner qualities on my “Dream Man Wish List” carry more weight than my superficial qualities. Don’t get me wrong, it’s ok to have a talk, dark, and handsome on the list, but they should pale in comparison to a relationship with God, fidelity, hard-working, and respect. I’d like to describe my Dream Guy as a Nerd with Swag.

So, at the end of the day, just know that you are a great person and you are worthy of a person who will recognize it. But it won’t hurt to shine your package up a little with the 3 C’s!


ANNOUNCEMENT

In September I will start a new blog series in conjunction with vlogging that will include my weekly topics plus Outfit Of the Days, Weight Loss, Beauty and Current Events. Leading up to that time I will do a blog on some of my favorite Sex and the City episodes that will show I felt then and now about the show. October will be the launch of my new website where you can check out all things Ms. Dallas. These events will be leading up to the release of my book, Until You Love You, No One Else Will. I’m looking forward to every moment!

Toodles!

Come check me out at Twitter.com/fabulusmsdallas








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