INSPIRATION MOMENT WITH MS. DALLAS JACKSON



Girlfriends...

(Sex and the City Series)

Girlfriends - can’t live with them; can’t live with out them. Well, in my case, I actually lived with some of mine, (I have 3 sisters aka built-in girlfriends). At times they can be a sound board when you need to vent, and a wave maker when all you’re desperate for is calm waters. They can be the ones that have your back, or the ones you need protection from. They can be your confidence when you have none, and also help you throw a pity party. They play the role of mother, counselor, aggravator, nurturer, tear wiper, helper, etc... No wonder why we put so much weight on the words they say. Probably even more weight on the looks that shoot from their eyes, and the disapproving sounds that come from closed lips. Either way, there’s no way for us to survive without this precious network of feminine support.
I just have a few bones to pick:
1) Sometimes our friends can be so compassionate about our situation that they end up doing more harm than good.
There once was a time when I would constantly complain and sulk about my weight. My audience was usually my oldest sister, Donna, or one of my friends. I sounded like a sad broken record. I know there were a few times they wanted to ball their fist up and sock me in the face because I wouldn’t shut up. But they would do what every good friend worth their salt would do - tell me I was smart and beautiful no matter what size.
I can’t tell you where I would be without their encouraging words throughout the years. I heard every cliche known to man come out of their mouth. I would hear things like: “There are men out there that like big girls”, “You’re a heavy duty cutey”, “You’re just tall”, or “Love yourself”. The minute I felt down, or screwed up on a diet, I would go over those conversations in my head.
Eventually I got to a point where I was fed up with my situation and those conversations no longer did the trick. I remember being really frustrated and I decided to be brutally honest with my friend Charles (honorary ‘guy’friend). I said, “I’m starting to feel like people are telling me things to pacify me in the situation I’m in now.” Meaning: people are telling me things that keep me ‘ok’ with being where I am.
By no means am I saying they were doing this on purpose, it’s quite the opposite, they were saying those things because they felt I needed it. But, I came to realize that those words became a crutch. I eventually had to face the truth and realize that my health is the real issue. Ironically, getting a man and being accepted in society are merely side issues.
Either way, my true friends support me on the journey I choose, whether it’s a journey to health, or a journey to love me - just how I am. On my path to finding my truth, I realized that I do not have to accept my fat to prove that I love myself (this is an entire blog in itself). I would not have gotten to this place if I was still leaning on my “support crutches”.
2) Most of the time, we can’t rise above the mentality of our girlfriend group.
The ‘Girlfriend Group Conversation’ is the backbone to Sex and the City. Each member has a distinct personality we can all relate to. Samantha is the go-getter that sleeps around, like a man, with no remorse. Miranda is the smart one who doesn’t ‘need’ a man. Charlotte is the good girl who fantasizes about getting married. Then Carrie is the free spirit who’s always lost in her thoughts while trying to figure life out. These girls lead distinctive lives but clearly lean on each other for emotional support.
The other day I was watching the beginning of season three. Big had left Carrie again at the end of the previous series, so she was in the midst of healing. The whole crew was on their way to a Fireman’s Calendar Contest. By the time things were over, Samantha had found herself a fireman to go home with, Miranda was to herself, Carrie was trying to shake off a new suitor, and Charlotte had gotten herself super drunk. While on the ferry back, an extremely wired up Charlotte went into a drunk stupor and asked Carrie why she wasn’t married. Carrie, being the great friend she is, gave her the old ‘you are smart and beautiful’ talk and rolled her eyes at Miranda for abandoning her in the situation.
These scenes give you a great picture of the mentality of the group. These women are independent go-getters that are trying to live life to the fullest. But they have one flaw - promiscuity.  They all know that Samantha is going to screw anything she thinks is going to give her a good time. They rarely confront her about it unless she’s talking too loud (in which she does the next morning during breakfast with them in a busy diner). Miranda is too busy trying to get ahead at the firm and fighting for women’s equality that she can’t see she has a good man that wants to love her. And, Carrie is still so hurt by Mr. Big that she can’t give a half descent guy a chance. Let’s not talk about Charlotte. She’s so confused, she doesn’t realize that it’s her promiscuity that keeps her from finding someone descent.
I love all these characters to pieces, but they can’t get out of their own way because it’s the blind leading the blind. You can’t tell you’re friend that she’s heading down the path to destruction if you’re walking along side her, especially if you both think you're on the right one. You definitely can’t tell her how to get off the path either. So basically, the advice that they give each other keeps them in their normal self-destructive patterns.
But they look great doing it, right? lol!
Stay tuned next week for Part 2 of Girlfriends...
And come check me out at twitter.com/fabulusmsdallas
Toodles!!!